Frame of Reference - Sauk County and Beyond

Tackling the Trials of Teens - Kyle Crosby

July 28, 2022 Rauel LaBreche Season 4 Episode 9
Frame of Reference - Sauk County and Beyond
Tackling the Trials of Teens - Kyle Crosby
Show Notes Transcript

He's the guy I turn to when I'm trying to really understand the issues that Today's Teens face each and every day.  Kyle Crosby returns to talk turkey and help me (and you) understand the pressures and problems of being a Teenager in today's world.  He's a great resource for our community and the kind of person you want running programs for them.  Hope you can listen in and gain a greater understanding of all those people facing adulthood in a compassionate frame of reference.

Kyle Crosby serves as the Director of Operations for the Boys & Girls Clubs of West-Central Wisconsin; a group of small, rural clubs located in Baraboo, Reedsburg and Tomah.  A Sauk Prairie native, Kyle graduated from UW-LaCrosse with a BS in Sports Management.  After graduation, he Spent 3 years in Appleton, WI in the sports world before moving back closer to home to start a family with his wife, Sam.  

As an advocate for youth already (with experience in coaching hockey and baseball) the opportunity to serve our central Wisconsin's youth at a larger level at the Boys & Girls Club fell into Kyle’s lap in 2014.  He hasn’t looked back since and has grown into a leader within the organization and multiple communities.

Announcer:

Welcome to frame of reference informed intelligent conversations about the issues and challenges facing everyone in today's world, in depth interviews with salt counties, leaders and professionals to help you expand and inform your frame of reference brought to you by the max FM digital network. Now, here's your host

Rauel LaBreche:

Rauel LaBreche. Welch, welcome to another edition of the world's most famous podcast in Saccone. Can I get away with that, Kyle,

Kyle Crosby:

I believe it

Rauel LaBreche:

and this is frame of reference sock County and beyond. And I'm, I'll be honest with you, folks, I've been in a little feeling down, you know, we're into summertime listenership goes down and you're like, you know, am I missing the wrong thing I might do in the wrong topics with whatever, you know, I'm, I'm a theater guy. I'm artists, I'm sensitive, you know, it's all those flooring. So I decided, You know what I'm going to I'm just going to put that all aside, I'm going to get some people that I like talking to and that will whether people listen or not, at least we'll have a good talk, you know? And my, my guest today is one of those people. He's been on this show at least once you were on Mornington Macfarlanes a number of times, too.

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, I think frame of reference. Yeah.

Rauel LaBreche:

So and it's none other than the one the only Kyle Crosby. Hello. And I'm not gonna say being crossed, because the last time you nailed me on that one, right. You know, there's another Crosby there. Yes. It's like Nathan Crosby. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, the kicker. Right. That's backers, right. So do you have some other like, I guess hockey players? Yeah. Sidney Crosby, Sidney Crosby. Okay. So you know all the sports Crosby's I know, the, you know, the Mary Crosby's actress, the daughter of Bing Crosby. I know those people but you know, I'm sorry. I remember Nathan at least forgot.

Kyle Crosby:

Well, you're even getting that wrong. It's Mason, come

Rauel LaBreche:

on. Mason, why am I thinking Nathan cries because

Kyle Crosby:

it's probably a Nathan Crosby to

Rauel LaBreche:

Mason, who's one more than a couple of games for us in the Packers, right?

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, but he's lost. So maybe it's not the good association.

Rauel LaBreche:

Oh, okay. So it's kind of a little but we gotta say, so. Kyle, what's your title now too? Aren't you like Operations Director, or Boys and Girls Club of West Central Wisconsin. Nailed

Kyle Crosby:

it. Yes, exactly. Director of arms for Boys and Girls Clubs of West Central Wisconsin, Wisconsin, which means nothing. It's just an obscure area where

Rauel LaBreche:

you want to be separated from the east central.

Kyle Crosby:

Or east central. wherever else.

Rauel LaBreche:

North South

Kyle Crosby:

said no, we're in. We're in barebow Reedsburg. Toma and hopefully soon to be Portage city. Ortygia

Rauel LaBreche:

Portage. Yeah. Wow. Well, the last time I think we talked, you just opened the Reedsburg facility. Because barebow and Tomo were around for a

Kyle Crosby:

long, wearable and toma have been around for 20 plus years. Yeah.

Rauel LaBreche:

Reedsburg was open just like a couple years ago, wasn't it? Or

Kyle Crosby:

2017. So that's five years. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Rauel LaBreche:

Because I remember when that was first happening. And you guys were like, like Karen had had to go to get the board approval to make a move on it. You had a facility kind of figured out already. Yep. Exactly. And then that that facility took off

Kyle Crosby:

to that took off. That's that's, that's been a highlight club. I mean, we only have three, but it's been the highlight club for the last like five years for sure.

Rauel LaBreche:

So you think they're like, are the attendance numbers better there than even bear boo and Toller? Yes, it's okay.

Kyle Crosby:

Yep. Yeah, it's, and you know, when we look at our attendance in our clubs, it ebbs and flows and COVID. Of course, there are wrenches and things. And but then, since its opening, you know, before we closed rate, our Reedsburg site, we were at, like, 130 kids a day. Wow. Which is pretty awesome when compared to our berbuat. Toma clubs, you know, pre COVID, we're at 8590 a day, which is still great numbers for us, especially when you look at the facilities we utilize. Yeah,

Rauel LaBreche:

why don't you think about those are 85 to 100? And some kids that who knows what they would be doing? Yeah, for sure. Participating there, right? For sure. So and now, how did you identify Portage as being?

Kyle Crosby:

Well, it's interesting, you know, when we opened up Reedsburg, a lot of the local surrounding areas reach out because, oh, we can just do that we can fundraise and make it one of those great, we need it. And so Portage was one of those. And it took a couple years of talking and getting the right people interested. And then finally, you know, when the city or when the leadership in the city felt like it was going to be a go, that's when we really start running at it. Because the big thing when we open up a new club is we don't want to, you know, as the organization, we don't want to be the driving force, especially when you talk about ground funding. Sure, you know, if we're the driving force, then that's just kind of setting us up for what I had guessed that failure but long term hardships, you know, right whereas if the community But you're exactly if the community is already on board, then it's a pretty good sign for long term success

Rauel LaBreche:

or Well, I would think, too, there's a sense there of that community recognizing a need. Yep. For what Boys and Girls Clubs can do. Exactly. So I mean, because there are how many clubs are there across the nation?

Kyle Crosby:

Nation, I don't even know in the state. There are currently 27 organizations, which all comprise of different sizes and different numbers of locations, kind

Rauel LaBreche:

of like Madison would be its own Correct. Yep. Boys and Girls Club of Dane

Kyle Crosby:

County's their own organization. They've obviously they're in Sun Prairie. They're all over Madison and that area as well. So now, Milwaukee, and then Kenosha separated. And then West Bend, which is Washington County is their own. Okay, you've got lacrosse? You've, I mean, everywhere.

Rauel LaBreche:

Does do you need to have a larger population center in order? I mean, you see things like up in Menominee. Wisconsin, would there be a club?

Kyle Crosby:

And I made it false does have a club? Really? Yeah, they do. Know, there's there's not a set number. population, I think, you know, and sock here is a little different, because we're relatively closer to to Madison, and we have growing or soccer is growing. And I say we because I'm from here, sorry, but I'm not living here. But you know, when you look at rural clubs, which I would identify all of our clubs at, you know, populations, 10 to 14,000 people, it's doable, it's completely doable. The harder thing is, is the fundraising, right? It's really easy, I think for a larger metro club to appeal to larger corporation, corporate Corporation, thank you, corporations, because they can pitch that they serve so many numbers. Sure, even if their per site numbers are similar to ours, or less, even if you know, at this location, they only have 50 kids, but as an organization, they're serving maybe 1000 a day. Sure, you know, and so there's a lot of pull there, especially when you come to grant writing and things to that extent, whereas a smaller organization like ours, you know, it's really community based, we actually do three separate budgets for each location that we have. Because local small town, local people like to know that their money stay local. Sure. And so that's really the vibes we go off of, but it's a lot of individual donors, it's, you know, we do get some corporate donors, but then it's a lot of grants as well. But it's just, it's an uphill battle versus what, you know, it's not like we have a $10 million endowment where we get right, you know, $500,000 Every

Rauel LaBreche:

year, I think those endowments sometimes make people lazy, you know, for sure, right?

Kyle Crosby:

You don't want to bank on that kind of thing, either.

Rauel LaBreche:

So it doesn't make you realize that, you know, this is hard. And it's hard because the work is hard. It's hard because people are careful about where they spend their money, especially nowadays, right? When you're spending $18 on gas, a gallon of gas. So not wasn't quite that bad. For 69 I

Kyle Crosby:

think it's by the way I drove down here. So whenever that check comes through, just

Rauel LaBreche:

you know, I don't know why I haven't thought of this before. Are there like when you try to establish a club? Are there statistics that you can point to and say, Boys and Girls Clubs when they come into communities? This is the kind of stuff that happens you know, we see there are

Kyle Crosby:

but you're asking me without knowing them off the top of my head. So you can they're not statistics I I frankly memorize and I apologize but you're talking to the wrong guy because I'm not the PR guy just make the wheels go around on the ground. But no clubs are statistically proven to help juvenile crime jury getting kids out of there, I suppose it's the proven to help graduation rates. And, and just graduating like your class, even your second or third grade and, and homework completion and things of that. You know, based on our programs, we've we've proven to help increase reading levels and things to that nature. So everything we do is really outcome based and evidence based. We don't just freefloat too many things. So you try

Rauel LaBreche:

to do things to that meet the kids where they're at? Yeah, for sure. So which is, I think, a really wonderful quality to be that kind of organic organization where you're not just oh, this is our program. Commerce don't like it. No, you know, it's really well, what what do we have available? Yeah, out there that wants to teach something. And, you know, if it's cooking, we'll do cooking. If it's, you know, wrestling will do wrestling. Yeah, I

Kyle Crosby:

think you know, just in the few minutes we've been talking, the word that keeps popping up, in my mind is a balance. So when you talk about fundraising and not wanting that endowment to get lazy, right, it's a balance game. When you talk about programming with kids, you need to make it fun and something they want to do, but how can we put our own twist on it to make it either outcome based or evidence based? So we still get some level of things. And and when I say outcome based that's not pure like take a pre and post test and this is what it is. A lot of what we do is like social emotional stuff, right? So even just by playing pool in a group setting, like you learn how to interact, you learn some resiliency skills. If you maybe don't, when you learn how to be a good team player, you learn how to cheer each other on when you're sitting there and not being bored, like my four year old. So, so there's things that maybe are easy to overlook, especially if you do look at like a games room or setting or sports setting. But you know, we really try and look at those, those details that maybe others would overlook and emphasize, like, know that this is actually really important.

Rauel LaBreche:

So soft skills that really go a long way to rounding a person. Yeah, right. So, okay, well, we digress. We got plenty of time to talk about that. Right now. I gotta try to whiz you with some really tough favorite things. Question. Yeah, these are daily piles favorite things right now today. So how do you what's your favorite statistics? I got you there didn't.

Kyle Crosby:

The door back there.

Rauel LaBreche:

Come on. What's your favorite statistic? Who's your favorite ballplayer right now? Who's got the best stats that way?

Kyle Crosby:

I'm not a stats guy.

Rauel LaBreche:

Come on, man. You gotta know your stats on your favorite as the above 300 baseball. I mean, what do you what do you?

Kyle Crosby:

I don't watch baseball.

Rauel LaBreche:

Okay, well, I don't either. So but I get

Kyle Crosby:

the point. So I'm gonna be transparent. Okay. There was a weird shift in since COVID, where I was normally a religious football watcher and a religious hockey Water Watcher. And I don't know in the last like three years, and maybe it's because I'm busy at home. I haven't really followed any of it. Okay, if it's if I'm around, I might casually put on a game. And right now, like, I'm watching the Stanley Cup Finals. But before watching the Stanley Cup Finals, I didn't even know who was in them. So I'm not in the sports statistics.

Rauel LaBreche:

why having a four year old there's a lot of you got to forgive a guy for I'm sorry, but you know, my wife would kill me if I just sat down so

Kyle Crosby:

we can go nerd statistic, okay. That's not a real statistic. I'm gonna say 10% of my dungeons and Dragon rolls are critical hits.

Rauel LaBreche:

That's right. You were telling me that something else that you do a Boys and Girls Code, right? Yeah. Learn Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. Okay. Which you up in a d&d player before? Right.

Kyle Crosby:

No, I, if you would have asked me before starting that if I'd ever played d&d, I'd be like, No,

Rauel LaBreche:

yeah, I find it. You know, I played d&d Back in the 80s. For goodness sake. So I don't think it was very old back then.

Kyle Crosby:

But now your Stranger Things type of introduction.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah. I mean, that was one of the you know, and I think I was like a female elven warrior. Yeah, yeah. And it was like, being, you know, being an actor, being a theatre person. It was really fun to take on, you know, I wouldn't care you know, whatever. And, you know, the day you in and it was like, Dude, you know, anybody else would be like, he's getting way into it. But all of us were that way. Right? And we had one guy was a troll, you know, so he was like, a va, you know, and you're like, that's a great troll. Boisbriand, you know, so it can be a real fun. In fact, somebody was telling me isn't there? Like a Comic Con or something where you can watch d&d players that have this like professional? They're professionally made YouTube thing that yeah, tune into

Kyle Crosby:

weekend there is. There's a group that called Critical Role they stream on Twitch they do YouTube. They've really shaped I think a lot of the new d&d players. They're huge. They're all professional voice actors. So they like get super into it. It's like watching a movie in long form. It's actually really enjoyable. Yeah,

Rauel LaBreche:

they were a friend of mine was telling me about being at Comic Con. And people were just like, yeah, like crazy. And then they, they were supposed to start taping at like, nine o'clock or something. But there because it COVID They really slowed down the entry price. So they finally got going on, like 11 o'clock, but the games are like two, three hours long. Because of this, you know, sort of thing you're talking about. They're so into it, that it's another form of live theater is usually in my mind.

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah. Well, and, you know, you look at you, you go back to saying, Okay, well, what does that have to do with the Boys and Girls Club? You just doing it? Because the kids want? Well, yeah, they want to, but it's not just about slaying a dragon or role playing that it's about the creativity of creating something out of nothing. And and it's it's reading the books and understanding how to build a character. And then when you're actually rolling dice, you're doing math on the spot, and you're suddenly trying to figure out, what's the best spell to use to do this? And so there's some critical thinking skills or you're, you're not these, these kids are in a dungeon and they have literally, you know, 10 seconds to figure something out and they gotta make a decision as a team, right and So, so again, there's soft skills there that you wouldn't necessarily associate if I just said, oh, yeah, we played Dungeons and Dragons.

Rauel LaBreche:

Right? Well, I think one of the things that's always intrigued me about it is, it has some of the same nuances as video games have. But it also has the people aspect of having to deal with the people right here and seeing the consequences of your decisions, your behaviors, I mean, all those things that in a video world, it's easy to be a troll and just, you know, swear at people or whatever. And it's like, you know, get out of the arena. If you can take a schmuck. Yeah, you know, where's that sort of behavior? You can't

Kyle Crosby:

be a keyboard warrior and d&d around your table because your group is going to turn on you pretty quick.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah, they're gonna say your critical role is critical, Don, yep. So. Okay, how about your favorite musical artist?

Kyle Crosby:

Oh, favorite musical artist? This has changed slightly. Okay. You know, if you asked me 10 years ago, I would have said nirvana. And then I would have switched to the chili peppers. Okay. And right now, even though they're not. They're not active because their lead singer is not alive. Linkin Park.

Rauel LaBreche:

I Linkin Park. There's a that's a fantastic group and a lot of ways.

Kyle Crosby:

I mean, it's I'm really into the 90s trying to tell what those answers are. My

Rauel LaBreche:

son turned me on to Linkin Park, which, you know, at 67 years old, your son tells you listen to like Linkin Park. Yeah, yeah. Okay. But, I mean, they've got what is the one song that I've listened to over and over again, and it's just, every time I listen to it's like, oh, that's just such cool. And I what I think I liked the most about they're, they're a progressive rock group where they, you know, there's they're not just playing with standard rock and roll, they're introducing different kinds of rhythms, different kinds of instruments.

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, they're all over. So they did. You know, when they first started, they were really about mixing well, I shouldn't say first, because I don't know the complete history. At one point in time, they're obviously pretty heavy metal, and they were screaming, and then they kind of incorporated some hip hop rap type stuff. That actually might have been their first thing Hybrid Theory. And it was, it was a lot of one of their singers was essentially rapping and the other one would do a little screaming or, or, or actual singing, and it was just, it was it's tremendous. When you actually listen to it. It's heartbreaking when you listen to the lyrics. Yeah, um, it's some pretty heavy lyrics. Yeah, like in everything. But yeah, they just have so many different like, you could listen to one Linkin Park Song and then another and be like, Wait, that's the same band. Right?

Rauel LaBreche:

Right. That's what I noticed about it. Because I you like, really? Those are? How did they master all those styles? As well as that? Yeah. So you can really tell it all fluid musician? Yeah. Right. So Okay, how about your this? Hopefully, this is the favorite movie of all

Kyle Crosby:

time. Of all time, all time. It's, well, it's the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Three movies. I know. So if I had to pick one, it would be it'd be returning the Hobbit. Is that included in that's not included in that. Okay. All right. But the Return of the King, Return of the kings? Really? Yeah. Okay.

Rauel LaBreche:

The last that's the last one. Okay. So often people point to that as being the best. Yeah, I

Kyle Crosby:

don't know why I haven't watched in a really long time. Yeah.

Rauel LaBreche:

Maybe it's something about the how the characters kind of come really full force in that one. So, okay, why plus you finally get to see the outcome of all the things going on for

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah. So many good movies out there.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah, that's, yeah. Now marble void. I don't know about you. But every time Robert comes up, like with a movie, I'm like, Oh, it goes another 20 bucks. You know? Yeah,

Kyle Crosby:

my issue with Marvel is it's so much. Everything builds on everything else. So there's so many like hidden messages. So a buddy of mine, and I would always go down, or go to new release Marvel movies. And we'd go to Sun Prairie. And I don't know why that was just our thing. And every time we drive down there, she would spend the whole trip explaining what happened before this, and then we'd leave the movie and he'd spend the whole trip back explaining what just happened and like, okay,

Rauel LaBreche:

so Well, yeah, you can't come in while you can. I mean, each of the movies do. They do a little bit later on. But then yeah, if you know, all the little nuances, but this was a reference to that.

Kyle Crosby:

Yep. And he's given me the comic history as well. Thanks. So oh, that that would really piss me off. So yeah, I you know, I appreciate the the Marvel's franchise but it's not. I enjoy them, but they're kind of always the same movie in my mind.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah. Yeah. Cuz, well, they have a formula. Yeah. You know, that's for sure. And that, that's, I think, the same with a lot of like, genre movies or, you know, things that come out of the, you know, DC is maybe a little different because DC has had such a hard time. They change radically from one one to another even the Batman's Yeah. It's like, Well, okay, which which Batman series are you talking about? Right. So sorry, we digress. Yeah, well, So whenever you do when you get on a topic like Marvel, yeah, so how about your favorite quote? You have a favorite

Kyle Crosby:

quote? Yeah. And it's the same. It's still the same one. Okay, from last time, okay. And it's, it's my wife's favorite quote, I think as well. It's from the TV series, the office. At the end, when Pam Beesly says there's a lot of beauty, ordinary things. Simple

Rauel LaBreche:

or anything. Do you see that in your life? I mean, you Yeah, you know, going around going, that's really beautiful. And it was just, you

Kyle Crosby:

know, it's always after the fact I think, okay, but what I see is there's a lot, there's always this push to what's next, what's better? What's coming up? How do we keep pushing forward? And I think I resonate with that, quote, more Not, not in the literal sense of, there's a lot of beauty ordinary things, but in the sense that it's okay to slow down and appreciate the present. It's okay to be where you're at now and enjoy what's now. Right. And so I guess that's really my more of my take on it.

Rauel LaBreche:

Well, not let now rush by without break. embracing it. Right. Yeah. Which is, yeah, you're I mean, I think our culture is very much oriented towards the next thing, the new thing, instead of well, you know, not that I want to stay necessarily with the old thing, but I also want to fully appreciate

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, I just worked really hard to get to this point. I don't think we need to, we can just coast for a minute and take a breath and, and enjoy the fruits of our labor and not just keep the pedal down and keep going.

Rauel LaBreche:

Okay, here's the word one. Your favorite chair.

Kyle Crosby:

My favorite chair.

Rauel LaBreche:

Do you have a favorite chair in your life that you if somebody else takes the chair the dog gets in the chair that you're like, Get out of my chair?

Kyle Crosby:

Well, that would be my living room. recliner rocker chair. But that's the only chair in the living room. The other parts of couch we are pretty small. Okay. Favorite chair? Well, no,

Rauel LaBreche:

no, you say like, you've never sat in a chair. And so we absolutely have to buy this. We gotta buy this.

Kyle Crosby:

I've never never done that.

Rauel LaBreche:

Are you gonna have you? I'm curious. Have you? Well, there let me tell you there I have a lazy boy chair. recliner that is my favorite chair right now. But the problem is now I've sat in it so many times. It's not becoming so now I am at the point where I'm going through stores going What about this one? What about this one? You know, and it is hard. I will tell you this as in my 60s, it is hard to find a favorite chair. So when you find that okay, then you got to do not separate yourself on it then because it won't be there when you go back and then it'd be going oh, God, now I gotta start all over again. That's that's fair process. So how about a favorite? Let's see. How about a favorite something? Do you have a favorite album? We're talking about musical artists now do is Linkin Park. Do they have a favorite or deserves something outside of Linkin Park that you like, as an album even?

Kyle Crosby:

Probably complete album would be the Nirvana unplugged session.

Rauel LaBreche:

Interesting story nirvana. When they were they had their first big album. I worked with the guy that was brother to Butch fg who was the producer recording engineer for that first. Oh, yeah. So and then that that kind of launched him into this career? Because when Nirvana's first album came out, it was like, Oh my God, this radically wonderful, you know, and so everybody went and wanted to work with Butch Fagan. It was I think he ended up doing who was the Kurt Cobain? Is he so? He did a solo album or okay into and smashing pumpkins? I think was another Yeah, sure. With for a while there, so. And so and the guy worked was like, really? You know, my brother Bucha. So, like, I know nothing about any of this music. But how about do you have a favorite? What's your favorite thing to do now?

Kyle Crosby:

To do right now? Wow. Hanging out with my kids. Honestly. They're young. They're fun. They're way too energetic. And it's what I do.

Rauel LaBreche:

Now. Now when you're when Sam is tired of dealing with the kitchen, he's gonna say well, I listen to that podcast. Your favorite thing is the kids so you know with the kids. Maybe that's

Kyle Crosby:

a default answer. I've been okay. Yeah, I got a different one. Let's change this up. Yeah. Do you want to be held accountable for that? No, I've been really getting into bourbon.

Rauel LaBreche:

Bourbon. Yeah. Okay, like sampling different kinds. Yep.

Kyle Crosby:

Yep. And so good friend of mine who I host my podcast with we're currently making a barrel aged Manhattan, Bourbon Manhattan. So, so just just tasting the nuances of different bourbons and and whiskies and things to that extent, there really

Rauel LaBreche:

is. And, you know, I don't have a sophisticated enough palate. I'm like Jim Beam, fine, you know, whatever. But yeah, there really is. Like, I know a lot of times just Yep, did a bourbon right. And so there, there's a unique flavor there

Kyle Crosby:

is there is and once you get past the ethanol, obviously in your your palate is a little bit more accustomed to something that's, that's, you know, 50% ABV. You can taste some differences in different distilleries taste different, you know, things and then you starting to look up the weird nuances over what's their mash bill. And that's kind of the grains that are incorporated into what makes the bourbon and, and you're just, yeah, you're just figuring out what you like. And it's just, it's interesting.

Rauel LaBreche:

Is it just a tasting thing? Or do you like,

Kyle Crosby:

Oh, so you don't throw it back? No. I enjoyed the taste if I enjoy tasting the differences, and then I mean, I enjoy sitting around in a chair and just having a straight drink with with friends as well. But it's not you don't throw it down. It's like a one two ounce pour. And that's not like that's your day stays minor.

Rauel LaBreche:

So now if you were playing Dungeons and Dragons, you might be

Kyle Crosby:

well, except for what I'm at work. I am on getting me right now. You can't you gotta so the d&d world has to get nerfed a little bit when it comes to Boys and Girls Clubs.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah. You say okay, now yeah. Yeah, Mom and Dad would be calling in going? What's this about the bourbon round? Yeah. The end? How about how about your favorite quality in someone that, like if you meet somebody, and they have this quality? You think I'm definitely I want to be friends with this person. know them better?

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah. It's, it's, it's it's going to be difficult quality to, I guess, quantify. But it's just genuineness. If I feel like someone is just genuinely being themselves, regardless of how that comes across, I'm instantly more apt to want to talk to that person. I, I like honesty, and I like transparency. And so I feel like genuine, being genuine, incorporates that. I don't like getting lip service. And I don't like just a fake persona.

Rauel LaBreche:

So that interesting to me, this is the time of year now we get in the, you know, the political climate of year. And so many politicians will use that as well, we will have a transparent administration or we, you know, I am a transparent, you know, candidate for this bubble. And so people really understand politicians, I think, in particular, understand the importance of that genuine, authentic, you know, thing, and yet, it strikes me it's it's impossible to be that when you're in a plenty the so they can tell you that all day long. Like, really Come on, do you think I was born yesterday? Do you? Do you find in your work that? I mean, how do kids respond to that?

Kyle Crosby:

See, and, and maybe that's why I appreciate that I think like as a staff member or someone who interacts with with kids, that that's ultimately the first step to building trust, is when they feel like you are being honest and transparent. And just yourself. You know, if I walked into a room of 20 kids all 10 and 11 years old, and I just had a show on they would all like, say, hey, and then we're done. But if I can build that trust through just being me, it's it's conversations. It's they're gonna walk up to me and check in how I'm doing and vice versa. It's it's just a mutual relationship. I guess what? Sure,

Rauel LaBreche:

sure. All right. I would say I couldn't come up with one more really tough one for you. Is there a favorite? I think I asked you this one already. But you know, it's I think it's valid, given where we're gonna is now since COVID. And because last time I think we talked we were right in the middle of it, right. The beginning of it. Yeah. I don't even know I'm not under Have you found that COVID And what that did to all of us. Has that changed your favorite place to be or your favorite thing to do when you need to? destress?

Kyle Crosby:

It has not? It has? No I don't know if it's my favorite thing. But something that I enjoy doing is just building things. My karma tree Yep. So my dad as well. Yeah, mostly, my dad does have a woodshop that I enjoy working especially in there with him. But even Like recently I rebuilt and souped up this Power Wheels for my kid and an integral in my garage. But it's like, even just sitting in there and just working on things is pretty, pretty awesome. So those are more self isolated things.

Rauel LaBreche:

Okay. Did you do that projects with your dad's Was that a comfortable place? Or do you have your own workshop? No,

Kyle Crosby:

I don't have my own woodshop. No. So usually when I utilize a woodshop, it's at his house. Not always with him, I kind of have free rein if I want it. Okay. But mostly with him as well. So

Rauel LaBreche:

is your dad a good trainer for stuff like that? No, no, no, he was

Kyle Crosby:

over protective. And let me show you how to do it. And then I'm going to correct you when you're doing it, because I don't think it's safe.

Rauel LaBreche:

Yeah, and that's a real weird quality, isn't it?

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah. And you know, with woodworking, but even deer hunting, so I'm a deer hunter. And like field, dressing a deer, it took me the longest time to not call my dad for my stand if I had harvested a deer and have him come up and help me either feel dressed or drag it down. And so what I found was happening is he would come up, we would find the deer together. And then you know, one of us would feel dressed. But if it was me field dressing, you'd be essentially walking me through it. And there's just a point where it's like, okay, I'm not, I don't learn that way. So I remember it was I just didn't call him one year. And I went, and I did everything. And I feel just the deer. And then I called them. And he got up and he goes oh, you did that. You did that. Like Yeah. So can you just help me? But that was how I learned to like, I can't, I didn't need the person over my shoulder telling me how to do it. I just needed to get my hands in there and do it. Your and so when you talk with the woodshop it was the same way until finally, you know, I just started going there when he's not home. Right. I'm gonna turn it on and see how it goes.

Rauel LaBreche:

Hopefully not chop off anything. Yeah, yeah, it is a it's a hard thing to know when to let go. I think as I had kind of the opposite problem, you know, my with my kids who was always like, Oh, this is what you do. Okay, go do your thing. I'm gonna go do my thing now. And there's got to be that again, balance. Yeah. Right. Between the making sure that they're, they understand it completely. And then just saying, Okay, go, go. Yep. Go do your thing.

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah. And what I mean, I find myself doing the same thing that my dad did with my kids. It's like, oh, my oldest son Lincoln. He's struggling with something. Okay. Well, let me just do it for you. What? No, you got to take a step back. He's got to figure it out. It's only four but he's got to figure it out

Rauel LaBreche:

the helicopter parents who swoop in and save the day versus like, come on you. So, folks, my guest today is Kyle Reese. I also had Kyle Rudolph. And I knew Kyle Rudolph years ago and I know he's not Kyle Rudolph. He's Kyle Crosby. So not related to any of them. Any of them. He's just he's just the Crosby's from Baraboo or whatever. Where were you from originally? sock. Sock sock. 2006.

Kyle Crosby:

Graduate? Oh, six. Yeah, really? Yeah. So I, we moved to sock when I was like two. Okay, so I grew up in sock. Okay,

Rauel LaBreche:

so pretty high school? Yes. Oh, 20606. I'm sorry. My daughter was oh nine. So she probably didn't even know you? Probably not. Maybe

Kyle Crosby:

well, she would have been a friend. My wife was oh seven and I didn't know her in high school either. And she was a soccer ad from one year to

Rauel LaBreche:

I'm sorry, I'm playing time for

Kyle Crosby:

girls. Let me flip my long hair.

Rauel LaBreche:

I can't imagine. I gotta see pictures of that someday. Anyways, folks, we're gonna take a quick break to hear a word from our sponsors. And we don't want you to go anywhere because we got lots of things to talk about. So here on 99 Seven Max FM's digital network and frame of reference.

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Rauel LaBreche:

There has got to be a better way to get my field work done. I need to go hang by Dell Bradley bill over at Macfarlanes data that day, Bill Bradley Bill, what do you got and one of them fancy fan tractors?

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Rauel LaBreche:

Welcome back to frame of reference here on 99. Seven Max FM's digital network, and I'm Rauel LaBreche. In case you didn't know or you can't see me, so you don't know for sure that I'm Rauel LaBreche. But I am and my guest today, Kyle Crosby, who I know is Kyle

Kyle Crosby:

Crosby, but no one else. Like

Rauel LaBreche:

he could be a troll on Dungeons and Dragons for all we know, he knows that I'm wrong. He thinks I am and

Kyle Crosby:

I know that you know that I know who you are. Knowing that you know who I am.

Rauel LaBreche:

We're getting with potential. Now this is going to become Waiting for Godot and if we're not careful, which is if you don't know that play, it's all about people waiting for someone that never comes. So and they keep talking about it coming but he doesn't come it's kind of like the Big Lebowski I think you know, you never really know or nor do you see Lebowski right? So you just know he's the dude to do Anyway, so Kyle's show, you're working as the Operations Director, so directly involved with kids. What are some of the challenges? I mean, kid, kids, when you started when you were a kid, right? When I was a kid, holy cow back in the 70s. I think of the landscape of being a kid. We didn't have computers, we didn't have cell phones, we didn't have, you know, a lot of the things that people use to be connected right now did not exist. And so now we're in this hyper connected world of, you know, all kinds of things. Yep. Are you seeing the effects of that are? Yeah, and yeah, it's good, bad, indifferent? I

Kyle Crosby:

think, a little bit of both. But I think there's a lot of negative, especially with the interconnected stuff of social media and things. I think there's a lot of confusion. I think there's a lot of sadness and comparing. And I think there's just a lacking of, of face to face interaction through and having real conversations and not just surface conversations,

Rauel LaBreche:

right. Yeah, I've there's a, a Celeste, I think Celeste McCullough talks about, you know, this is a time in which it is so important for us to learn the simple and profound skill of having a conversation with someone that, you know, we are so lacking in that ability to, to just listen, to empathize. You know, we're so many of us, I think, especially probably adults talking with kids. We're listening with the intent to reply, instead of listening with the intent to understand Yeah, and I would think in your line of work, especially that it becomes a real challenge to try to understand.

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, yeah. And especially understand when you know, it, there's not a right answer to a lot of the questions. There's different answers, depending on whichever aisle of the political divide you think you stand on. And when you don't have an agenda or a political side, and you just want to support somebody. It's very difficult. So and, you know, you talk, go back to not listening, are people listening just to respond even? I think just in a podcast, how many times do you are you listening to a response and something clicks in your head and you sit on it? For 30 seconds, so that you can say that, but at that point, it's already done with? Right, you know, I can't, I can only imagine that happens to me, in everyone's adult life, even at a job or, you know, if you're in the customer service field, someone says something, you're thinking you want to talk, but they respond and Right. Right? So you ignore 30 seconds of a conversation just to respond. Right?

Rauel LaBreche:

Which is, yeah, if you what is the same woman talks about, you know, if you want to get out of the conversation, get out of the conversation. Yeah. But you know, to be talking with someone, and then right in the middle of it be thinking about that time that you met Hugh Jackman in the coffee shop, you know, and you can't wait to get that in there. You're exactly right, we tune out. And then we may have in fact, miss something else that was even more critical to understand. Yeah. To get an understanding of, do you find? Is there one thing in particular that if you could tell, the rest of the people in kids lives to do is there's Is there something? Is it just listening? Is there something more to what a kid's looking to for from adults? I guess?

Kyle Crosby:

Well, that's a loaded question, because I don't know the answer. Okay. If I had to guess based on results I've seen or, or things I've done to get results? I think they're looking for approval. I think they're looking for a listener, I think they're looking for someone to see them for them. Sure. And not impose goals and tasks and you know, just things in order to improve the adults life. You know, they I don't think they're looking for an adult to tell them how to live their life. I think they're just looking for an adult to support them in their own choices.

Rauel LaBreche:

Sure. I wonder if that actually had an interesting talk. Well, first it was with you. And then I was listening to my daughter talk with my sister in law, because we have one of my nieces is kind of caught, I think a lot of the, the gender fluidity where, you know, doesn't want the pronoun now, and if she would, you know, is that's really vague now for her. And, you know, I struggle with that, you know, somebody raised in the 60s and 70s It's like they that's just stupid, you know, in the think Well, no, we Wait a minute, what? What's going on here that that's becoming important? And it strikes me that it's about I'm not sure. Yeah, what I identify with yet. And if we think about it, back in my day, you know, you were either a guy or a girl or gay. Yeah, there was really only those three choices. And I got in trouble because I was a theater person. And it wasn't that simple. For me, I was a guy with very feminine qualities. I was very sensitive as it were emotional, you know, which back in that day, you know, what got up boy, just, you know, don't don't cry, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, but I have to cry for my, my job. My you know, my thing that I love to do, I have to be able to cry, I have to be able to be whatever. Is that part of it is yeah. Is it the that we're having to grow up as a society as a, you know, just well,

Kyle Crosby:

you know, and you say, grow up, and I can't, I can't speak to what that means. Implying, like, part of me, and the part that has to keep it internal says, okay, biology is biology, you cannot fake biology. And then the emotional side of me says, these kids are clearly struggling with confusion in some level, and why is that? I don't have that answer. But Gone are the days of masculine boys and feminine girls or gay? And then I don't know, what did we ever get to? You can be a feminine male or a male with feminine traits or female with masculine traits. And then we switch to No, I'm actually identifying as a male or female, opposite or, or nothing non binary. And so you know, I struggle with it, I look at certain things, Michael, that make that's pretty black and white. But again, I can't speak to what's in your mind or, or the the teens minds. And so all I can do is support them and accept them for how they feel in that time. Well, is it

Rauel LaBreche:

really that important? It's, you know, Well, isn't that part of the

Kyle Crosby:

Yeah, and so all you

Rauel LaBreche:

need is, you know, this male female thing. It's really, it is meaningless. We've had these constructs of what a male is and what a female is, and we based it on anatomical structure, but that we've always also collected this whole bunch of attributes, that if you're masculine, you're this and if you're feminine, you're this and it strikes me that part of the rebellion is why, why why don't you know, if I'm not all those things, if I'm more, quote, unquote, masculine? So, you know, all right, why can't I just be me? Right? Yeah. Is

Kyle Crosby:

it? Yeah, you know, when you say it doesn't matter, I think when it comes to an emotional side of things, absolutely not it you can people, kids, teens, will whomever is going to feel how they feel. And we should accept them for that. You obviously get into a pretty politically charged thing when you start talking about as an important regarding, well, you know, you'll look at sports, and things to that extent, you look at, you know, bathroom usage and things of that extent, then yeah, it does become, unfortunately, a pretty heavy issue that that's, I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer. But I know that, you know, people feel strongly on both sides. And I, I can understand why. Especially when you talk about, you know, maybe men in or biological boys in the women's restroom, or, or locker room, like, I get that there's different comfort level there. And so, with the sports side of things, too, it's I think you're seeing now some some more protections come up of biological women. Yeah. It's like we went down a rabbit hole. Maybe we went too far. Now we're trying to get out a little bit and, and going too far isn't the right word, because that implies that there's a right answer. But there's some backtracking happening. For sure.

Rauel LaBreche:

What strikes me that our technology got ahead of our wisdom. Yeah, you know, when you when you think about it, that, you know, it became possible to become transsexual, and then we thought, Well, wait a minute, this person has changed, for lack of a better word, their plumbing, you know, that it changed that aspect of themselves, but they still have all the skeletal muscular stuff that characterises ago. So is it fair for them to be Yeah, on a men's team or a women's team? Given those advantages? And then it's like, okay, you know, that's a question we should have been asking and a discussion we should have been having. And there should be room at the table for all different viewpoints.

Kyle Crosby:

Well, and that's the biggest thing is, you know, in such a politically charged atmosphere, you're, you're hard pressed to speak your mind and to be honest, and just say what you think you want to say without having the fear of being quote, canceled or being judged or saying the wrong thing. Even on here, like in a completely honest sense, like I feel Like, I kind of have to watch my my words, even though I have zero malicious intent towards anybody, even though I don't have a preference, especially on the emotional side of things like it. But it's hard to just say it without thinking someone's going to hold you in a negative light,

Rauel LaBreche:

we have no idea anymore, what the ramifications of what we say, are going to mean because people take it out of context, or they, they have one little thing that gets their triggers their bell, or whatever. And then you I was talking with Jeff right, not too long ago on the show. And he was saying in the educational community, they have to train their staff on avoidance of trigger word. Yeah, you know, and you think about that, if we're, if we're going to turn into a society, in a culture in a nation of people that only operate on trigger words, instead of saying, What do you mean by that? Or, you know, saying, Boy, that really gets me charged? And let me tell you why I don't care forget to charge it's your problem? Well, you know, we just got the makings of a nuclear war there. Right. Yeah.

Kyle Crosby:

And, and I don't think there's, I don't think the majority of people are like that, I think the vocal majority, or the people who are vocal are like that, you know, it's, it's impossible to live in a in a live or die, or ride or die situation, if it can't be? Well, because we disagree, you are the absolute devil, on either side of this political atmosphere, that doesn't facilitate growth that doesn't support the people who need it. And so, you know, going back to kids not being able to have a conversation will, then you look at how adults talk right now. And as an as a kid, why would I want to have a conversation? If I don't know how you're going to react to me just being honest, or genuine? You know, why would I want to talk to you, it's a lot safer for me to talk to you behind this keyboard with this screen name. So I can at least say what I feel,

Rauel LaBreche:

right? I don't have to deal with it. Yeah, I don't have to cancel culture when

Kyle Crosby:

you get into a lot. And so, you know, one of the things we try and do at the club, especially with our team members, as we build that second home, and that acceptance, and, again, there's not there's not a right or wrong, and there's not a political agenda behind what we do. We just want our teams to feel supported, and so that they do feel open to having those conversations. So, you know, in an honest answer at our club, we've had teens sit down, and we've talked through their disagreements, maybe in that binary or the transgender issues. And it wasn't, you know, tables getting flipped, or hatred afterwards, it was purely it was just designed to understand each other's viewpoints. And maybe, and come in with an open mind to at least hear and listen, without being ready to respond. And having that response in your mind. Right. 30 seconds. Just really seeking

Rauel LaBreche:

to understand exactly, which is difficult. I get it. I mean, I my I've been married for 36 years, almost. And it's still difficult for me to understand my wife sometimes. Yeah, it just is. Oh, and, you know, I think it's even more difficult for her to understand. You know, I mean, let's think about this for just a second. You know, and and you have to want to understand

Kyle Crosby:

what that's the thing, right? Like, if you if you have an argument, the spouse, and you're, and all you have is a list of bullet points on why you're right. And they all they have is a list of bullet points on why they're right. You're not going to resolve that argument. And so that's a pretty intimate, you know, example, but you expand that out to a conversation on a national level. And all it is is talking points and no one's in the middle just trying to listen. It's not a pleasant spot to be

Rauel LaBreche:

are willing to have a different frame of reference. Yes, exactly. So that's how we'll that and Vox. My guest today is Kyle Crosby, who is the Operations Director at Boys and Girls Club of West Central Wisconsin. Not east central or not North Middle central mountain. You know what? You that You go there? No, it's not one it's just west central Boys and Girls Club. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back here on 99. Shopping Max FM's digital network and frame of reference don't go anywhere.

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Rauel LaBreche:

So I don't know about you. But when I was a teenager, the hardest things I had to deal with were homework and girls. Every so often though, a crisis This would occur, where I had to really get my thinking cap on and figure out things like, how do I tell my dad about the accident I just had with his car, or later on, what do I do if I get drafted? Nowadays, not only is the world more complex, but the sheer volume of things that teams have to deal with and think about is absolutely mind numbing. If you listen to the lyrics of Mr. McAfee song and bye, bye, birdie. He asks the question, what's the matter with kids to day? Back then, adults were stymied by their kids going gaga over Elvis and the Beatles. A lot of us were those kids. Today, they're gaga over Lady Gaga. And in groups like Cradle of Filth. So what's the problem with kids today? It's the same problem they've had all along. They inherited a mess from previous generations, and they're just not sure we're able or willing to deal with it. Life is hard. There's more to worry about today than ever before. So it's no wonder that our kids are struggling more and more just to try to figure out who they are. I for 1am glad there are people like Kyle and the other folks at Boys and Girls Clubs. We all need a place that lets you come as you are so that we have the safety and freedom to figure out what that is. Join us next week as we finish up my interview with Kyle as well as making an announcement about some big changes coming to frame of reference next month. You don't want to miss it.